How To Get Over Someone In 10 Liberating Steps
You can do this.
After a breakup, we’re left wondering what to do with ourselves and our broken hearts. Whether you’re with someone for a month or years, chances are you envisioned a future with them so starting over is completely intimidating — especially if you’re not the one who initiated the breakup and you’re left wondering how to get over someone you still love.
Getting over a breakup takes time, there’s no doubt about it. You’ll go through the stages of grief for a while (the exact length of time it takes to get over someone is hotly debated), but eventually, you find that you’ve stopped spending every waking minute thinking about your ex and laying in bed crying over a pint of ice cream.
Throughout the process, tell yourself:
I’m going to get over you. I know I am. It’s going to take steps and tons of willpower (that I have little of). It’s going to take tears, time and frozen yogurt but I’m going to get there. So this is how I’m going to get over you.
And follow these steps to get over an ex:
Step 1: I’m going to cry.
This is not something I do often. But I am going to let myself cry over you. Cry over the fact that what we could of have versus what actually happened. It’s going to be the worst because I’ve been holding back tears for a long time but I need to let it out and let you go.
Step 2: I’m going to talk about you a lot.
Like, too much. So much so that my friends are going to look at me with their unimpressed faces as I bring our last interaction up for the billionth time and overanalyze every single thing you said and my reaction to it. I’m going to talk about the last text you ever sent me and ask them what they think you mean. I’m going to say to them I don’t understand why you haven’t texted me since but I know why. We all know why.
Step 3: I’m going to delete your phone number.
I have to. I can’t read over the beautiful words you sent me early on and not think about how you didn’t follow through for the rest of my life. It’ll drive me crazy. It’s already driven me crazy. The temptation is too great to just check in and see how you are. As much as I want your name to pop up on my phone and the stupid little hearts I had next to your name glare at me, I can’t. So I’m going to delete you from my phone.
Step 4: I’m going to be really angry at you.
I’m going to get increasingly mad at you. How could you just let me go after the moments and things we shared? How can you look at me and say no thanks? How could you just go on with your life being fine without me? Maybe that’s vain but really it’s because I’m not fine without you.
Step 5: I’m going to get drunk.
I’m going to go shot for shot with my party friend, the girl that can drink anyone under the table. I’m going to drink you away for one night because if I’m focusing on my hangover for the three days following then at least I’m not thinking about you.
Step 6: I’m going to let someone else tell me I’m pretty.
I’m going to let that random guy at the bar buy me a drink and tell me how beautiful I am. I’m going to tell him that I think he’s hot too. I’m going to let him dance with me. I’m going to do whatever the hell I want because it’s a part of the steps to getting over you.
Step 7: I’m going to revert back to Step 1.
I’m going to watch Never Been Kissed and eat froyo while I cry over you again. I may even revert to Step 4 at the same time. Either way, I’m going to slide backward and cry/hate you all over again.
Step 8: I’m going to give it time.
After a few days/weeks/months I’m going to start to think of you less and less even though I really don’t want too. I’m going to let time go on and continue to do the things that make me happy with the people who wanted to stick around. I’m going to let time heal everything you broke.
Step 9: I’m going to go on a date.
That guy who asked me out right when I started hanging out with you is finally going to get the chance to take me out on a date. I don’t know if he’ll still want to but I’m going to text him, apologize and tell him I’d love to hang out with him if he’s still interested.
Step 10: I’m going to let you go officially.
I’m going to remember our time. I’m going to learn the lesson I was supposed from this. I’m going to wish you well and really hope that whatever you’re doing is making you happy. Ultimately that’s all I want for you, is to be happy because when you care about someone you just don’t stop.
It’s going to be a long time before I get to step 10 but when I get there I hope you’ll know that your impact on my life was incredibly real and heartbreaking but I’m going to get over you.
Alexandria Brown writes about love, mental health, and wanderlust. Her first book came out in September 2016 and her second book that focuses on mental health and relationships was released in August 2017.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.
November 9, 2018 at 04:53PM